A Banker’s Bonus.

What a load of old bankers, eh? I’ve been hearing more and more complaints about the banks in Azeroth, ranging from excessive charges for guild bank space to rumours about what the banks do with their profits. There’s talk about the banks investing heavily in the Defence Industry, a practice which is ethically dubious to say the least. I’m personally considering going undercover to do a little investigation into this whole steaming cesspit. Moral mayhem is rampant. What triggered my suspicions about this whole scurrilous affair was a conversation I had with Novia, a bank clerk in Silvermoon City. Times are quiet in the Blood Elf capital, so Novia was happily willing to shoot the breeze with me as I deposited some gems into my vault. 

 

Three bloody years I’ve been working here and I’ve never seen it so quiet. A tree fell in Murder Row the other day and no-one heard it scream. It resembles a ghost town here these days, the only regular visitors being young elves transporting and storing goods for their Masters who are busy waging war in Northrend. The Arcane Sentries are growing restless  at the lack of meaningful action and one fears they may eventually run amok through the city out of boredom. And to top it all off we’re not getting a bonus this year.

 

Yeah Yeah! I can feel your sarcastic love already searing through the atmosphere. We’re overpaid, underworked and have led the good life for far too long, right? Too busy going on corporate love-ins to Quel’Danas and attaching conservatories to our plush city dwellings? You can be as smug and sanctimonious as you like but you have no grounding in the reality of our lives, mine in particular. You would think with a good education I would earn more than the City guards but I don’t. The annual bonus was what made it actually possible to live in the city and even then it’s only a small fraction of my already meagre salary.

 

It’s always the ordinary bank clerk who bears the brunt of the anger about the bonuses being splashed about the banking trade. All you lot do is come into the bank and give us grief about charges on your accounts and whine about non-existent interest rates on your savings. Then you all stand about outside the banks, no city excepted, like Exodaran chavs with yer bling and shinies and talk about how your mothers did this and that and to whom and you expect to have your complaints taken seriously!! You shout abuse in our faces and then behave like children who have sucked on a lemon lollipop. Well let me tell you a little secret. We have a competition here at the bank to relieve the boredom. When someone uses the term “noob” in the trade channels we access their vault and snotter into their netherweave. If you’re a repeat offender then you had better hope I haven’t had curried wolf kabobs the night before. 

 

Let’s be clear on one thing. Before ye start hurling invective in my face and the faces of my many colleagues around Azeroth, remember this. We are not the decision makers and we are not pilfering your hard-earned cash to pay for Azsharan nannies to look after our offspring. We just stand here and all day and listen to your gibberish in the trade channels. It’s the bigwigs upstairs you should be directing your ire too. And yes, yes they do sit on truesilver thrones and are fanned by harpies from Rohemdal Pass.  They decide to charge you 1000g for a new guild bank tab, not me. Supporting the war effort is not exactly cheap you know. And neither is squirrel-fur toilet paper.

 

Yes you heard me right. The war effort. Do you seriously believe Sylvanas, Thrall and Fordring have a limitless pot of gold to fight this incessant war? The money has to come from somewhere you know. Did you honestly think Emblem gear made itself? No wait, I forgot. Thrall has a magic handbag from which he pulls weapons and armor and yes, every now and then he’ll give you a spoonful of sugar to help the bloody medicine go down. In the most delightful way of course.

 

I’ve had enough talking to you lot. In one ear and out the other as always. I’m off to talk to the union about getting this bonus back. it’s the least we deserve for putting up with your roflcopters and STFU’s. And the missus wants a new cage for her Green Wing Macaw. No Hyacinths for us lowly clerks, contrary to what you think. And one final thing, quit stuffing our bank vaults with old patterns and recipes. No-one bloody wants them and neither do you.  

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